Customer Service is not dead, it just needs to be taught.
Soapbox Derby #1
Went to Lowes and that other Depot place today (I can't remember which one is left in this town...Base or Home). At the Depot place, we stepped up to the counter to buy paint...Grandpa Festus (a quite elderly gentleman with long spindly fingers and long sharp-looking nails, probably convenient for picking his nose) looks at Loretta and I (we were both smiling by the way) and utters, "Aarrrggh!"...loosely translated may have meant, "Hi folks, how may I help you?" So, we offered him a hearty, "How are you?" "Aarrrghh", he responded. We then handed him our two paint samples and asked him if we could get them in an Eggshell finish. Grandpa snatched them out of my hand, uttered, "Aarrggh" again while shuffling over to a computer/paint dispenser-looking thing. We assumed he would mix the paint for us, it appeared that is what he was doing. "We will be back in a few minutes, we'll be looking at some lighting", we said. No response from Grandpa on that one. Well, we returned 20 minutes later to find Grandpa gone, a couple of cans of paint on the counter, neither of which were ours. We stood there for 5 minutes waiting for some sign of life when Loretta said, and this is an exact quote, "Let's get the f@#k out of here!" We weren't about to give the Depot place some $50 of our money for that kind of service (non-service). I did feel a little bad in the car driving away, "Maybe Grandpa was laying behind the counter...you know...dead!" I always look at the bright side, give 'em the benefit of the doubt when we get shitty customer service. We ended up going to Lowes for the paint. So, once again, I am inspired to make the Lowes/Home Depot Base employee list of customer service Do's & Dont's that I suspect are posted in their employee break rooms and are taught in the Lowes/Home Depot Base training sessions:
Rule #1 - Never, ever make eye contact with a customer, you may have to talk to them.
Rule #2 - When moving through the aisles and you come upon a customer, keep walking as if you have somewhere important to go.
Rule #3 - If you are forced to listen to a question from a customer, you can tell them that this is not your department and continue on your way.
Rule #4 - Again, if you are forced to listen to a question from a customer, you can tell them, "Let me check on that for you"...then disappear to another part of the store...make sure you stay away from that area for at least 30 minutes.
Rule #5 - Simply tell them you are on a break or not clocked in yet.
Rule #6 - If a customer has you cornered...as a last resort...tell them you are not feeling well today then throw up on them...it's highly unlikely they will stick around for an answer to their question.
Quite honestly, every one on that list I have experienced first-hand except the throwing up part in the last one.
My advice in today's marketplace? Follow-up with those threats to speak to a manager or write a letter to corporate. And better yet...stop patronizing those shitholes after you write the letter!
Serenity Now!
Went to Lowes and that other Depot place today (I can't remember which one is left in this town...Base or Home). At the Depot place, we stepped up to the counter to buy paint...Grandpa Festus (a quite elderly gentleman with long spindly fingers and long sharp-looking nails, probably convenient for picking his nose) looks at Loretta and I (we were both smiling by the way) and utters, "Aarrrggh!"...loosely translated may have meant, "Hi folks, how may I help you?" So, we offered him a hearty, "How are you?" "Aarrrghh", he responded. We then handed him our two paint samples and asked him if we could get them in an Eggshell finish. Grandpa snatched them out of my hand, uttered, "Aarrggh" again while shuffling over to a computer/paint dispenser-looking thing. We assumed he would mix the paint for us, it appeared that is what he was doing. "We will be back in a few minutes, we'll be looking at some lighting", we said. No response from Grandpa on that one. Well, we returned 20 minutes later to find Grandpa gone, a couple of cans of paint on the counter, neither of which were ours. We stood there for 5 minutes waiting for some sign of life when Loretta said, and this is an exact quote, "Let's get the f@#k out of here!" We weren't about to give the Depot place some $50 of our money for that kind of service (non-service). I did feel a little bad in the car driving away, "Maybe Grandpa was laying behind the counter...you know...dead!" I always look at the bright side, give 'em the benefit of the doubt when we get shitty customer service. We ended up going to Lowes for the paint. So, once again, I am inspired to make the Lowes/Home Depot Base employee list of customer service Do's & Dont's that I suspect are posted in their employee break rooms and are taught in the Lowes/Home Depot Base training sessions:
Rule #1 - Never, ever make eye contact with a customer, you may have to talk to them.
Rule #2 - When moving through the aisles and you come upon a customer, keep walking as if you have somewhere important to go.
Rule #3 - If you are forced to listen to a question from a customer, you can tell them that this is not your department and continue on your way.
Rule #4 - Again, if you are forced to listen to a question from a customer, you can tell them, "Let me check on that for you"...then disappear to another part of the store...make sure you stay away from that area for at least 30 minutes.
Rule #5 - Simply tell them you are on a break or not clocked in yet.
Rule #6 - If a customer has you cornered...as a last resort...tell them you are not feeling well today then throw up on them...it's highly unlikely they will stick around for an answer to their question.
Quite honestly, every one on that list I have experienced first-hand except the throwing up part in the last one.
My advice in today's marketplace? Follow-up with those threats to speak to a manager or write a letter to corporate. And better yet...stop patronizing those shitholes after you write the letter!
Serenity Now!
posted by James | 4:22 PM
1 Comments:
I remember when you recited those "rules" to me before. Very funny. And so true.
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