fence post in life...gotta keep changing

I think one of my biggest fears in life is becoming a fence post. One of those forgotten, old, wooden standards you see on the side of some road...helping to hold up one of the other fence posts down the line. Serving a purpose? Yes. Doing something worthwhile and satisfying. No.

On the road next to the fence post? All the movers and shakers and self-actualized "people" on the move...on the move to another destination.

Maybe the real fear I have is being forgotten, like that fence post...the one that holds no real purpose an longer, except to help hold up the one next to it. The end post may have served another purpose at one time: either holding up a gate, or anchoring a corner. So, quite possibly this fence post might also be considered a "cornerstone"...certainly an important part of the structure. But still, it is stuck in the ground, never moving forward, or backward. It is just there now to be admired on occassion.

Van Gogh chose to cut off his ear when he got to the point where no one was paying any attention to what he was doing. Quite a change there. So, my next questions are: What really is "attention"? And...How important is this fleeting recognition?

I know many people at this point in my life who are "fence posts". These are folks who have done the same thing, day in and day out, for a long time. Not just professionally, but personally as well. Same job, same life, same space, same partner for 30 years or more. My envy has always been obvious. I have never hidden the fact that I do appreciate and wonder if their lifestyle would have been better than the one I have chosen. Yes...the one I have chosen.

The "choices in life" philosophy has been beaten to death I feel. Whether it be Tony Robbins or Doctor Phil...their millions have been made exploiting this human "weakness". What weakness? The one that somehow allows humans to regret...one of the many exclusive "abilities" that we possess over the rest of all living things on this planet. The fact that we can choose is another aspect of human nature that goes hand in hand in our little club. Do other living organisms actually make choices? Not hardly. They operate solely on instinct, never on emotion. Some in the scientific community seem to think that certain higher forms of life near us on the evo-scale possess emotions and the ability to reason, ie, make choices. I'm not convinced. They most certainly do not have the capability to worry...or do they?

At some point in the distant future...when chimpanzees are allowed to borrow money, own a credit card and a mortgage, and are then given these options in life as choices...then we may indeed know whether or not they worry, or regret. They will tell us about it and describe how they really feel.

One thing I do know. Chimpanzees do possess the ability to be happy or unhappy. And when they are unhappy, they express this in the most obvious ways. They scream and pound, letting others around them know they are unhappy. And, if they are unhappy with their surroundings (not enough food, bad weather, shitty neighbors), they don't stew or over...they don't worry about it...they move on. They change their environment...they get the hell out of there.

Our closet relatives in the animal world are not fence posts and never will be. Maybe they just don't give a shit about what others of their kind think about them. They simply do what they want to do based on a criteria that we, as humans, may never know about...until we teach them to speak to us of course. Then, we'll all be in trouble!

Damn dirty apes! I guess I envy them as well.