To God...from the dog.

(My friend Bob from Albuquerque sent me this.)

Dear God: Why do humans smell flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on the couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember - to be a good dog.
1. I will not eat the cat's food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty.
4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'...neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's drivers' license and registration.
9. I will not play tug-o-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying "hello".
11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
13. I will not throw up in the car.
14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.
16. The cat is not a 'sqeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

And, finally, my last question...

Dear God: When I get to heaven, may I have my testicles back?