A farewell...for now.

No one reads this. So...I am signing off for the time being.

I have a new blog you may be interested in.

Ask me no questions...I just might lie!

I have had the opportunity of late of taking a few on-line “assessment” tests as part of job the application process. In fact, over the years I have been subjected to such quizzing on many occassion in my searches for corporate positions.

These tests range from 30 or 40 basic “what would you do if” questions...to 200 plus questions hoping to get some insight into my psychological state. Usually they are multiple choice things that are very redundant at best, ie, asking the same questions over and over again worded differenly each time. Here are couple of actual examples taken from these assessments...

Ex: You get upset when given specific directions on how to do your work.
A. Strongly agree. B. Agree. C. Disagree. D. Strongly disagree.

or...

Ex: You are normally not an easy going person.
A. Strongly disagree. B. Disagree C. Agree. D. Strongly agree.

And so on.

I feel I probably do a good job at these invasive tests. If you really want to get hired, you attempt to answer them, not as honestly as possible, but as close as possible to what the administrator would favor. Let’s face it, we all have strengths and weaknesses...but why wear them on your sleeve for all to see? You want the job don't you?

Here is a short list of my Top 10 favorite (though fictional) assessment test questions.

1. I have the potential to be a serial killer.
A. Very likely. B. Likely. C. Unlikely. D. Don't ask me this question or I'll kill you.

2. People frequently tell me how bad my body odor is.
A. Very often. B. Often. C. Seldom. D. Only when I don't shower for a week or more.

3. I enjoy watching my subordinates squirm, suffer, and cry when I criticize their work.
A. Always. B. Most of the time. C. Once in a while. D. Only female employees.

4. At a social gathering, I enjoy starting arguments between other people.
A. Highly agree. B. Agree. C. Disagree. D. Highly disagree.

5. My most recent employer would describe me as cynical, vitriolic, caustic, and recalcitrant.
A. All the time. B. Once in a while. C. Only when necessary. D. Never on Sundays.

6. In school, I was often referred to as “that asshole who made fun of everybody”.
A. Everyday, everyone. B. Only in the showers at gym. C. Only to people who deserved it. D. Only to the new handicapped students.

7. At work I tend to do only what is necessary.
A. Strongly disagree. B. Disgree. C. Agree. D. What’s your point?

8. I have no problem with telling off my boss.
A. Strongly disagree. B. Disgree. C. Agree. D. Piss off!

9. It’s O.K. to call in sick to work only when...
A. You are too sick to work. B. You have a communicable disease. C. You can’t get out of bed. D. You are sick of work.

10. At work, you are the one person other people turn to when...
A. They have a problem. B. They need advice. C. They are feeling bad. D. When money is missing.

Remember...always answer these assessment questions honestly. Or, at least, try to remember what you said.

Snowstorm Sam

I resurrected a little slideshow video I did a couple of years ago, just after we adopted Sammy.



His racing name was Snowstorm Sam. Fortunately, for us, his racing record was less than spectacular. By the tatoos in his ears, we were able to do an internet search and find his records. Out of 29 races at a Tuscon dog track, he only won 3 of them. He is still the most loyal and affectionate dog I have ever had. And, he still weighs in at his racing weight (69 lbs) two years later. Contrary to popular belief, greyhounds are 45 mph couch potatoes sleeping upwards of 18 hours a day...on our bed! But when he does run, he reaches that speed in 3 seconds flat.

New Years Eve...and now, Day

(11:27 am)...Third down and five...Wisconsin on their own 37...he pumps, he fakes....wait...first this news bulletin...Marie Osmond has gotten fat!

The Rose Parade is over. I have no interest in college football, but I just may tune into the Rose Bowl Game...USC and Michigan (I think), so as not look like a wuss next week. We just packed away the lifelike Costco Xmas tree for another year...the one the with 1500 Italian twinkly lights. Loretta is vacuuming up the pine tree needles (yes, apparently even fake trees shed!).

Earlier, I cooked us each a 1/2 order of Eggs Benedict and homefries...then actually cleaned up the kitchen myself. We plan to “snack it” the rest of the day...cheese and crackers, celery and peanut butter, maybe a Prime Rib sandwich this afternoon (leftover from our homemade New Years Eve dinner).

Back to the Rose Parade. The highlights and lowlights. We didn’t see the whole thing in one shot. But it’s being broadcast over and over on various cable stations, including my favorite version: The KTLA Bob Eubanks edition, co-hosted by an unrecognizable named news babe out of La-La-Land. The highlight? The flyby of a B-1 Bomber flanked by a couple of F-22 Raptors, afterburners blazing just above Colorado Boulevard on their way back to Edwards Air Force Base. The lowlight? Some sort of giant butterfly-laden float with Marie Osmond perched and waving from the inside of a flower. Honestly, they should have just attached a hitch to her ass, put roller skates on her, and towed her down that Pasadena thoroughfare. Wow! The cherubic face and signature Osmond dental work is still descernable...but man...what a chubber! I didn’t watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade...but was she in it...floating down 34th street...tethered down with ropes held by 100 boy scouts? He’s a little bit Rock and Roll...she’s a little bit Country Biscuits and Sausage Gravy!

The weather here in the Central Valley is the nicest it has been in a few weeks...sunny, mild, with a few high clouds. I just remembered that Loretta and I talked about going for a ride in the ‘69 Porsche 912. Before we go, Loretta is going to light a few prayer candles, do a few incantations, and hope that we can get back home after the drive. It’s always an adventure taking out the 912...fun to drive, but there is anxiety concerning our odds of getting it started again.

We did stay home last night as planned...cooking a small Prime Rib with a Romaine heart salad and my own special Bleu Cheese Dressing. Loretta had a Pina Colada, I had a couple of Cuba LIbras. We watched Las Vegas Vacation, then Hostel. Yes, Hostel...Loretta wanted to watch a scary movie. Hostel is not as scary as it is gruesome...but fun to watch anyway. We hit the sack about 11:30 to watch the ball drop from the safety of our bed covers. It’s just too scary out there on New Years Eve. BTW...Dick Clark...what a trooper!

From my part time bartending days of long ago, I recall this evening as being referred to as: Amateur Night. Amateur Night in the bar business simply means all the amateur, once-a-year drinkers are out in force. For the most part, these fledgling embibers have no idea of what to drink, how much to drink, or how to act. Here was a typical exchange from one of those New Years Eves...

Me: "What'll ya' have miss?"
Miss: "Well, what is that greenish kinda drink that tastes like anise you make in a blender?"
Me: (rolling my eyes) "It's a Grasshopper miss...a Grasshopper".
Miss: "Oh...I don't want that. What is HE having?" (gesturing toward the oily beau-hunk with an open shirt, three medallions, and lots of chest hair at the end of the bar).
Me: "He's drinking boiler makers...shots and beers."
Miss: "Oooooh...I want that!"
(20 minutes later)
Me: "I’ll flip ya' to see who gets to clean up all that vomit".
Other bartender: "But she's laying in it...face down".
Me: "Yea...but her tits fell out when she barfed".
Other bartender: "Sweet! I'll do it."
Oily beau-hunk: "Buy her another shot and a beer on me".
Me: "Sweet".

Fun, huh?

Well, Happy New Year. May 2007 be fulfilling, prosperous, and safe.

Good chance that Marie Osmond will score a Nutri-System contract.