Ask me no questions...I just might lie!

I have had the opportunity of late of taking a few on-line “assessment” tests as part of job the application process. In fact, over the years I have been subjected to such quizzing on many occassion in my searches for corporate positions.

These tests range from 30 or 40 basic “what would you do if” questions...to 200 plus questions hoping to get some insight into my psychological state. Usually they are multiple choice things that are very redundant at best, ie, asking the same questions over and over again worded differenly each time. Here are couple of actual examples taken from these assessments...

Ex: You get upset when given specific directions on how to do your work.
A. Strongly agree. B. Agree. C. Disagree. D. Strongly disagree.

or...

Ex: You are normally not an easy going person.
A. Strongly disagree. B. Disagree C. Agree. D. Strongly agree.

And so on.

I feel I probably do a good job at these invasive tests. If you really want to get hired, you attempt to answer them, not as honestly as possible, but as close as possible to what the administrator would favor. Let’s face it, we all have strengths and weaknesses...but why wear them on your sleeve for all to see? You want the job don't you?

Here is a short list of my Top 10 favorite (though fictional) assessment test questions.

1. I have the potential to be a serial killer.
A. Very likely. B. Likely. C. Unlikely. D. Don't ask me this question or I'll kill you.

2. People frequently tell me how bad my body odor is.
A. Very often. B. Often. C. Seldom. D. Only when I don't shower for a week or more.

3. I enjoy watching my subordinates squirm, suffer, and cry when I criticize their work.
A. Always. B. Most of the time. C. Once in a while. D. Only female employees.

4. At a social gathering, I enjoy starting arguments between other people.
A. Highly agree. B. Agree. C. Disagree. D. Highly disagree.

5. My most recent employer would describe me as cynical, vitriolic, caustic, and recalcitrant.
A. All the time. B. Once in a while. C. Only when necessary. D. Never on Sundays.

6. In school, I was often referred to as “that asshole who made fun of everybody”.
A. Everyday, everyone. B. Only in the showers at gym. C. Only to people who deserved it. D. Only to the new handicapped students.

7. At work I tend to do only what is necessary.
A. Strongly disagree. B. Disgree. C. Agree. D. What’s your point?

8. I have no problem with telling off my boss.
A. Strongly disagree. B. Disgree. C. Agree. D. Piss off!

9. It’s O.K. to call in sick to work only when...
A. You are too sick to work. B. You have a communicable disease. C. You can’t get out of bed. D. You are sick of work.

10. At work, you are the one person other people turn to when...
A. They have a problem. B. They need advice. C. They are feeling bad. D. When money is missing.

Remember...always answer these assessment questions honestly. Or, at least, try to remember what you said.