American Beauty - blog II
From someone who spent the majority of his “stupid little life” making lists...shopping lists, To Do lists, client lists, “punch” lists, and Pro’s and Con’s lists...I'll admit, I’m a list maker.
I seemed to have passed that on to my daughter. I believe I got it from my father, he was great at making lists...especially for camping trips. He would jot down on blue lined graph paper from work, every meal we were going to have, every item of food to buy for those meals, every piece of equipment we needed to bring, the time frames for packing, leaving, and arriving, getting gas and fuel for the lanterns...everything.
Like I said, one of my often written lists over the years has been Pro and Con lists. These were done to visualize the good and bad about some aspect of my life, mostly about big decisions to be made. Mostly about changing jobs. I guess it really didn’t matter which side of that Pro and Con page was longer...one Pro could overcome many Cons I suppose. And I suppose that is the way it should be. There always seemed to be more Cons than Pros anyway. Since I would most often make that Pro decision anyway, the list was academic...an exercise in what is called rationalization. We all do it, every day.
Well, it’s time for another list from me. This one is simple...it is a Pro list. Here it is...completing this sentence, There is so much beauty in the (my) world...like the way I felt...
...the first time I drove a car all by myself, on my sixteenth birthday, the day I got my driver’s license.
...when my family and I would pile in the car and drive to Disneyland.
...the night my daughter was born.
...the morning my son was born.
...on Christmas mornings, waking up and walking into the living room to see what Santa had brought me (I always got what I wanted).
...this morning, when I woke up to see Loretta lying next to me.
...the last time I looked through my camera lens and composed a photo.
...knowing that I’ve made it this far in my life.
...a few minutes ago when our dog Sammy put his muzzle on my lap and looked up at me for some attention.
...seeing the joyful look on 102 year old Sara’s face when I took some photos of her, 20 minutes before she died.
It’s not a definitive list. It’s something I need to do continually, like my daughter Jenifer does on her blog. She posts lists of songs that give her chills, reasons she loves her husband, reasons she loves living in Seattle, and reasons she loves her Dad. She’s got the list gene too!
I know many people who make lists about what is screwed up in their lives. They may not write them down, but they take note of them on a regular basis. A few of these people are very close to me, and it saddens me to know they are carrying around this horrible burden...and it’s eating away at their souls. I know how it feels because I still do it at times. I’ve always been a negative person...but I’m working on it!
But, I can still remember the way I felt the exact moment I saw my Dad driving down our little tree-lined street and into our driveway in a green 1961 MGA convertible...I was sixteen at the time. It was my high school graduation present, the exact car I wanted. I can remember it like it was yesterday.
The more I work at culling the bad things out of my memory, and savoring the good things...the better I feel about myself...and about others.
You might try it sometime (if you don’t already). Make a list...check it twice...and add to it on a regular basis. Then go back to it once in a while and read about some things and times in your life you may have forgotten about...some good things.
It couldn’t hurt!
(Note: the ending monologue from the film American Beauty concerns a similar list from the lead character who has just died. He is taking note of all the beautiful things in his life...postumously). The last few lines from the film are posted on my previous blog.
I seemed to have passed that on to my daughter. I believe I got it from my father, he was great at making lists...especially for camping trips. He would jot down on blue lined graph paper from work, every meal we were going to have, every item of food to buy for those meals, every piece of equipment we needed to bring, the time frames for packing, leaving, and arriving, getting gas and fuel for the lanterns...everything.
Like I said, one of my often written lists over the years has been Pro and Con lists. These were done to visualize the good and bad about some aspect of my life, mostly about big decisions to be made. Mostly about changing jobs. I guess it really didn’t matter which side of that Pro and Con page was longer...one Pro could overcome many Cons I suppose. And I suppose that is the way it should be. There always seemed to be more Cons than Pros anyway. Since I would most often make that Pro decision anyway, the list was academic...an exercise in what is called rationalization. We all do it, every day.
Well, it’s time for another list from me. This one is simple...it is a Pro list. Here it is...completing this sentence, There is so much beauty in the (my) world...like the way I felt...
...the first time I drove a car all by myself, on my sixteenth birthday, the day I got my driver’s license.
...when my family and I would pile in the car and drive to Disneyland.
...the night my daughter was born.
...the morning my son was born.
...on Christmas mornings, waking up and walking into the living room to see what Santa had brought me (I always got what I wanted).
...this morning, when I woke up to see Loretta lying next to me.
...the last time I looked through my camera lens and composed a photo.
...knowing that I’ve made it this far in my life.
...a few minutes ago when our dog Sammy put his muzzle on my lap and looked up at me for some attention.
...seeing the joyful look on 102 year old Sara’s face when I took some photos of her, 20 minutes before she died.
It’s not a definitive list. It’s something I need to do continually, like my daughter Jenifer does on her blog. She posts lists of songs that give her chills, reasons she loves her husband, reasons she loves living in Seattle, and reasons she loves her Dad. She’s got the list gene too!
I know many people who make lists about what is screwed up in their lives. They may not write them down, but they take note of them on a regular basis. A few of these people are very close to me, and it saddens me to know they are carrying around this horrible burden...and it’s eating away at their souls. I know how it feels because I still do it at times. I’ve always been a negative person...but I’m working on it!
But, I can still remember the way I felt the exact moment I saw my Dad driving down our little tree-lined street and into our driveway in a green 1961 MGA convertible...I was sixteen at the time. It was my high school graduation present, the exact car I wanted. I can remember it like it was yesterday.
The more I work at culling the bad things out of my memory, and savoring the good things...the better I feel about myself...and about others.
You might try it sometime (if you don’t already). Make a list...check it twice...and add to it on a regular basis. Then go back to it once in a while and read about some things and times in your life you may have forgotten about...some good things.
It couldn’t hurt!
(Note: the ending monologue from the film American Beauty concerns a similar list from the lead character who has just died. He is taking note of all the beautiful things in his life...postumously). The last few lines from the film are posted on my previous blog.
posted by James | 8:44 AM
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