Lost in my dreams
Do you dream? I do. I dream every night.
My dreams are long, complicated scenarios that often leave me feeling a bit exhausted and perplexed when I awake. They most often involve being somewhere far from home and my attempts to find my way back home. Sometimes I am lost, other times I know where I am and can't locate transportation. In others, I am simply late for the ride and find myself stranded in some undesireable locale. They also include me being under the charge of someone else, a subordinate of sorts...usually in the armed forces (I spent 4 years in the Navy). On occasion, my dreams put me in other situations that I don't really want to be in, ie, in search of something I have lost or can't find (from actual events in my past from 30 or 40 years ago). In any case, they are very frustrating short stories at best. Never resolved. I always wake up in the middle of the dream, relieved that it is over and that it was just a dream. Yes, once in a while I do have a somewhat pleasant dream, not very often though (the flying/sex deal for one). And, yes, some dreams are more than frustrating...they are nightmares, usually involving me trying to get away from someone or something horrid.
I have recurring dreams. One in particular is quite disturbing. Fortunately, I haven't experienced this one of late...but I did fairly often at times in my life.
The reason this came to mind is very interesting to me. I was watching TV last week, a certain home expert maven who shall remain anonymous to spare my dignity. OK...it was Martha fucking Stewart...alright! Anyway...fielding questions from her audience, someone asked if she dreamed and, if so, about what? She said, "Oh yes...I dream alot. They are mostly nightmares....well, not really nightmares...they are long, drawn out, complicated dreams that are a bit disturbing...not scarey, just uncomfortable situations...usually involving a lot of people and personal problem-solving"...(paraphrased). For some reason, it struck a chord with me and my dreams. "Hey", I said to myself, "that sounds like what I dream about!" So...why?
Immediately, I surmised the reason why I dream like Martha Stewart. I may be way off, but here goes. My mind is always going 100 mph thinking about things to do, places to visit, projects I'd like to complete. More often than not, they are daydreams about lofty projects way beyond my financial means. Not beyond my skills and abilities, just beyond the possibility to afford. As I have self-analyzed before, I believe that I am a right and left brain person: artistic as well as analytical. These hemispheres are in constant conflict with one another. I am always in "deep thought" making it difficult to concentrate on the moment and the tasks at hand. Maybe I have (and always have had) A.A.D.D. Not what I was hoping to find out, but at least it's a possible explanation!
It reminds of a scene from the movie Slingblade. John Ritter's character, Vaughan, asks Billy Bob Thornton's character, Karl..."You always appear to be in deep thought. What are you thinking about right now?" Karl gazes out the window of the Frosty Cream diner for a moment, dips one of his french fries in the mustard, then responds, "I was thinking on asking if you got any more of that canned meat for sale." Vaughan slowly knods his head, eyes looking down at the table, and takes a sip of his soda..."Hmmm". Fade to the next scene. BTW...for anyone not familiar with Slingblade...Karl is a mentally-challenged individual who killed his mother (and his mother's lover) when he was 12 years old (with a slingblade, hence the title)...having spent the previous 25 years or so in a mental insitution. Vaughan is a middle-aged gay man living in the same small, southern town.
Last night's nightmare, ie, drawn out, disturbing, unresolved dream, was like so many others I have had...I ponder what resolution would be like for me in one of these dreams. Will I even "see" an ending sequence? Will I find what I am searching for (in the dreams or in life)? Might that occur in my final dream, just before I die?
Yesterday, I purchased a couple of small books from a sale table at Borders. One is a book on Zen, the other on Tao. Without getting into an overly-involved explanation, Tao concerns the yin and yang of life...and how the most important part of life is the journey, not the destination. It's funny that the Harley-Davidson company adopted this philosophy and saying in their marketing program. Myself, having been nearly obsessed with goal setting the majority of my adult life (thanks to Tony Robbins and other self-proclaimed keepers-of-the-answers to life's questions!), it may be time to re-evaluate a little. The Harley-Davidson journey versus destination thing is very profound. The little Tao book I got at Borders yesterday also includes many photos...pictures of inanimate objects, bubbling streams, ponds, feng shui decor, landscapes, and plants. All, presumably, representing various states of Zen and Tao...the balance! If I could explain it all with one word...that word would be balance.
So what does this have to do with my dreams? Nothing...and everything.
I have always thought that these dreams I have are a burden of sorts. I have even laid down to sleep and feared having another dream. I have feared having that horrid nightmare that pops up once in a while. But, I also fear...or anticipate, or expect, or over-think, or stress out over most everything in my life! The dentist (who doesn't?), an interview, a task, a job, a business meeting, a deadline, a decision...the list is endless. I worry about everything! I concern myself with things and events in the future...and the past as well. The concern, the concentration...the focus should be on the present.
I certainly cannot control what I dream about, only how a react afterwards...and, how I not anticipate such uncontrollable mental activities. Worrying about anything, past or future, is not a fruitful use of energy.
Regarding my self-comparison with Martha? Just another thing about myself I must accept. You gotta admit, despite all her legal shenanigans the past few years...everyone still loves her! She is a survivor, albeit megabucks in the bank makes that rebound a bit easier. Her fan base is a big as ever since the investment fiasco that landed her in the pokey. I kind of like her...man-hands and all!
Now if I could just stop worrying about the fact that I have never made a successful soufle. Maybe I'll give it another try this weekend...I'm sure there is a recipe on martha.com.
Balance: the yin and yang...the good with the bad. And, as the header of this blog states...the Foo King Ugg Lee.
My dreams are long, complicated scenarios that often leave me feeling a bit exhausted and perplexed when I awake. They most often involve being somewhere far from home and my attempts to find my way back home. Sometimes I am lost, other times I know where I am and can't locate transportation. In others, I am simply late for the ride and find myself stranded in some undesireable locale. They also include me being under the charge of someone else, a subordinate of sorts...usually in the armed forces (I spent 4 years in the Navy). On occasion, my dreams put me in other situations that I don't really want to be in, ie, in search of something I have lost or can't find (from actual events in my past from 30 or 40 years ago). In any case, they are very frustrating short stories at best. Never resolved. I always wake up in the middle of the dream, relieved that it is over and that it was just a dream. Yes, once in a while I do have a somewhat pleasant dream, not very often though (the flying/sex deal for one). And, yes, some dreams are more than frustrating...they are nightmares, usually involving me trying to get away from someone or something horrid.
I have recurring dreams. One in particular is quite disturbing. Fortunately, I haven't experienced this one of late...but I did fairly often at times in my life.
The reason this came to mind is very interesting to me. I was watching TV last week, a certain home expert maven who shall remain anonymous to spare my dignity. OK...it was Martha fucking Stewart...alright! Anyway...fielding questions from her audience, someone asked if she dreamed and, if so, about what? She said, "Oh yes...I dream alot. They are mostly nightmares....well, not really nightmares...they are long, drawn out, complicated dreams that are a bit disturbing...not scarey, just uncomfortable situations...usually involving a lot of people and personal problem-solving"...(paraphrased). For some reason, it struck a chord with me and my dreams. "Hey", I said to myself, "that sounds like what I dream about!" So...why?
Immediately, I surmised the reason why I dream like Martha Stewart. I may be way off, but here goes. My mind is always going 100 mph thinking about things to do, places to visit, projects I'd like to complete. More often than not, they are daydreams about lofty projects way beyond my financial means. Not beyond my skills and abilities, just beyond the possibility to afford. As I have self-analyzed before, I believe that I am a right and left brain person: artistic as well as analytical. These hemispheres are in constant conflict with one another. I am always in "deep thought" making it difficult to concentrate on the moment and the tasks at hand. Maybe I have (and always have had) A.A.D.D. Not what I was hoping to find out, but at least it's a possible explanation!
It reminds of a scene from the movie Slingblade. John Ritter's character, Vaughan, asks Billy Bob Thornton's character, Karl..."You always appear to be in deep thought. What are you thinking about right now?" Karl gazes out the window of the Frosty Cream diner for a moment, dips one of his french fries in the mustard, then responds, "I was thinking on asking if you got any more of that canned meat for sale." Vaughan slowly knods his head, eyes looking down at the table, and takes a sip of his soda..."Hmmm". Fade to the next scene. BTW...for anyone not familiar with Slingblade...Karl is a mentally-challenged individual who killed his mother (and his mother's lover) when he was 12 years old (with a slingblade, hence the title)...having spent the previous 25 years or so in a mental insitution. Vaughan is a middle-aged gay man living in the same small, southern town.
Last night's nightmare, ie, drawn out, disturbing, unresolved dream, was like so many others I have had...I ponder what resolution would be like for me in one of these dreams. Will I even "see" an ending sequence? Will I find what I am searching for (in the dreams or in life)? Might that occur in my final dream, just before I die?
Yesterday, I purchased a couple of small books from a sale table at Borders. One is a book on Zen, the other on Tao. Without getting into an overly-involved explanation, Tao concerns the yin and yang of life...and how the most important part of life is the journey, not the destination. It's funny that the Harley-Davidson company adopted this philosophy and saying in their marketing program. Myself, having been nearly obsessed with goal setting the majority of my adult life (thanks to Tony Robbins and other self-proclaimed keepers-of-the-answers to life's questions!), it may be time to re-evaluate a little. The Harley-Davidson journey versus destination thing is very profound. The little Tao book I got at Borders yesterday also includes many photos...pictures of inanimate objects, bubbling streams, ponds, feng shui decor, landscapes, and plants. All, presumably, representing various states of Zen and Tao...the balance! If I could explain it all with one word...that word would be balance.
So what does this have to do with my dreams? Nothing...and everything.
I have always thought that these dreams I have are a burden of sorts. I have even laid down to sleep and feared having another dream. I have feared having that horrid nightmare that pops up once in a while. But, I also fear...or anticipate, or expect, or over-think, or stress out over most everything in my life! The dentist (who doesn't?), an interview, a task, a job, a business meeting, a deadline, a decision...the list is endless. I worry about everything! I concern myself with things and events in the future...and the past as well. The concern, the concentration...the focus should be on the present.
I certainly cannot control what I dream about, only how a react afterwards...and, how I not anticipate such uncontrollable mental activities. Worrying about anything, past or future, is not a fruitful use of energy.
Regarding my self-comparison with Martha? Just another thing about myself I must accept. You gotta admit, despite all her legal shenanigans the past few years...everyone still loves her! She is a survivor, albeit megabucks in the bank makes that rebound a bit easier. Her fan base is a big as ever since the investment fiasco that landed her in the pokey. I kind of like her...man-hands and all!
Now if I could just stop worrying about the fact that I have never made a successful soufle. Maybe I'll give it another try this weekend...I'm sure there is a recipe on martha.com.
Balance: the yin and yang...the good with the bad. And, as the header of this blog states...the Foo King Ugg Lee.
posted by James | 7:03 AM
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