Hey...WossaMottaU?

Some blather on the good...the bad...and the foo king ugg lee...FWIW.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Gulls flying 1


Gulls flying 1
Originally uploaded by Skip Hansen.
The obligatory flying gulls beach shot!

The hills in the background are vivid green this time of year. It's hard to believe they all turn brown by June.

The tide was out, the gulls were enjoying the sand crabs until we rousted them off the sand.

Loretta, Sammy, & Me at Pismo Beach


We drove to the coast for a regional greyhound gathering in Solvang.

Pismo Beach and my relatives are about 60 miles north of Solvang and Buellton. We can't resist spending some time walking along the sand near the pier.

It was a little windy that day, but still very nice. Time to take a few deep breaths and clear your head.

That's Me behind the camera.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

King of Queens...hmmm...is it because of 'Doug' or 'Carrie'?

How about that King of Queens? It's my wife's favorite show right now. I kind of watch it too...
leah3
I wonder what the appeal is?
leah1
Could it be...
leah2
Leah Remini?
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Afterall...it is kind of funny at times.

The Path To Nowhere?

One must have goals...

RR tracks in the mist 1

In order to arrive at your destination...you must know where you are going.

You will always arrive somewhere...not always where you hoped you would be.

But never forget in life...it is the journey and not the destination that keeps you alive.

Monday, February 21, 2005

"So long" to the girl next door...


Sandra Dee died yesterday. She was 63.

For those of us who have been around for a while, she was the consummate ‘girl next door’.

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In the 50’s, when it was a virtue in Hollywood to appear sweet and innocent, Sandra filled that bill. And according to most stories I have read about her, she was exactly that...sweet and innocent.

She treated the head of the studio to the stage hands in the same manner. According to a family spokesman, “She didn’t have a bad bone in her body”.

Sandra Dee married Bobby Darin in 1960 and had a son (Dodd Mitchell) a year later. They were divorced in 1965 causing Universal to drop her. Evidently they thought it dampened her teen appeal. Times have changed, haven’t they?

My favorite Sandra Dee movie has always been Gidget. She also starred in such 50’s teenage romance and angst movies as The Reluctant Debutante, The Restless Years, Tammy and the Doctor, Tammy Tell Me True, Take Her She’s Mine, and A Summer Place. The latter with the consummate ‘boy next door’, Troy Donahue.

Her movie career dwindled after the mid-60’s. But she was immortalized in the film Grease in 1968 in the song “Look At Me I’m Sandra Dee” which mocked her squeaky-clean image. She didn't mind the referrence.

She was quite a cutie. A Hollywood starlet. The ‘Girl Next Door’.

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Sunday, February 20, 2005

You can shop here, but you can't take pictures...

(Subversive picture number 0001a)
abstract mall 3

I was addressed by a mall security guard today. He was polite...as he informed me that there are no pictures allowed in the mall. More specifically, mall "management" does not allow people to take pictures in the mall. I asked to speak with mall "management" and they are off on Sundays. Darn...I was really ready to cause a small scene.

That's the Vintage Faire Mall in Modesto, California. Safe from the bad guys and secure again to carry on the American Way.

I suppose I am fortunate my camera wasn't confiscated or I wouldn't have been able to "smuggle" out this photograph of the ceiling skylights.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

A Rainy Saturday in the Valley

Raindrops in the flash
(Raindrops caught by the flash)

It will be summer again soon.

Friday, February 18, 2005

Have a nice weekend...pause to reflect.

Flag in the clouds

Thursday, February 17, 2005

If you liked the Police version...


...then give John Mayer's version of Message in a Bottle a try. johnmayer

My daughter Jenifer and I don't often agree on choice of music. After all, she is 25 and I am old. We do mutually enjoy a lot of old school stuff, as well as a lot of old old school music. Don't forget, she took a Beatles class in her senior year in college.

A lot of the current music scene is a little obscure to me. We were at a friend's house watching the grammy 'red carpet' show on E! the other night waiting for Star Jones to have a wardrobe malfunction with that nasty outfit she was wearing. The teenagers in the room offered a running commentary of their own regarding who was cool and who wasn't cool (musically and fashionwise), much more entertaining than the interviews on the tube.

I must tell you, as each year goes by, the grammies offer less and less to us in the "I hope so and so wins department" and more in the "Who the hell is that?" department. The 15 minutes of Fame rule has been whittled down to about 11 1/2 minutes I think.

The winner for us in the "Who the hell is that?" category is Hoobastank. Evidently they won something last year and were presenting something this year. For those of us grossly unitiated to the current pop music scne, Hoobastank is a musical group. I just sampled a few of their songs on iTunes and, surprising enough, some of their music didn't totally 'stank'!

Back to the top. Jenifer and I do agree on John Mayer. End of story!

Give him a try.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

The End of a Great Day

Between storms at sunset 3
(In between storms at sunset)

Some days are just better than others.

Another edition of "For Those of Us Fortunate Enough..."

Loretta on the Springer


My wife of 10 years, Loretta, can only be described as incredible and unique.

She is incredible and unique for a 100 different reasons. Not the least of which is that she has managed to remain a constant source of joy, support, and tolerance in my life over the years.

She is a source of joy because of her unending desire to allow me to do the things that make me happy. She is the most devoted of spouses who completely appreciates the things she has. The simple things, especially her (our) home. Despite living with a typical ‘man’, Loretta maintains a beautiful household while still working outside in a part time job.

She is a source of support because of her unwavering concern for my well-being and happiness. She has always been very a sensitive person, especially when it comes to my moods and health.

She is a source of tolerance because of her unrequiring attitude toward her spouse and his often bewildering tendancy for change.

Loretta has been and always will be a reminder to me that there are good things in this world...that despite the so-called bad things, one must reamin positive in order to move ahead.

She doesn’t always understand me, but she is always ready to help me set and reach my goals.

Her values and principles of life are far beyond and more noble than anyone else I have ever met.

I am truly the most fortunate guy in the universe to be with her at this point in my life.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

You Gotta Laugh at Yourself...My Wardrobe Malfunction


That’s a priceless Steinway!

That is a line from one of my favorite moves. In and of itself, it is not particularly funny. But when you add the next line in the movie, “Not any more”, it becomes one of the funniest, most irreverant comic retorts ever (from the movie The Pink Panther Strikes Again).
sellarspiano
(The Steinway going down.)

One of the advantages and benefits of having a long-time best friend (40 years) is that they are a great source for reminiscing. In my case, that source is my friend Bob. The above movie line is one of our favorites.

Bob’s quips and quotes from our past are almost daily reminders to me of how much fun we had when we were younger. That we were put here to make fun of ourselves. One prime example of that: Peter Sellars movies.

But Bob’s history lessons to me are, by far, not limited to movie lines. One such event concerned a “wardrobe malfunction” I once experienced in the 10th grade at Canoga Park High School.

It was the first day back to school after summer vacation. In those days, my parents took me school-clothes shopping at the end of the summer. My Mom had purchased a “cool” new shirt for me, one that had a button down collar. It seemed when I put it on that the collar was particularly stiff, it stood up real well. I assumed that was how it was designed and/or my Mom had ironed it with a lot of starch. I was stylin’! Or so I thought.

It was sometime around lunch when the “malfunction” occurred. I noticed Bob staring at the collar of my shirt with an inquisitive look on his face. “What the hell is that?”, he questioned.
“What the hell is what?”, I answered obstinately. “What the hell is this”, he said while reaching for the collar of my new shirt.

Bob then reached under the “starched” button-down collar of my brand new JC Penneys shirt and yanked out the cardboard packing liner that was still under the collar. This all happening in sight of and ear-shot of at least 100 people in the lunch area. Bob was hysterical. I was overwhelmingly embarassed. Needless to say, other kids in proximity thought it was quite funny as well.

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(Bob at our 35th high school reunion...the lunch area, scene of the "malfunction").

I’m not too sure I spoke to him the reaminder of the day. But this is one of those memories that is always at close hand in the vault for a quick chuckle. I don’t think I would have remembered it had it not been for Bob.

Truly...it wasn’t until 20 years later that I could rightly appreciate some of the moments I lived with my buddy. Hopefully, you have similar ones in your lives.

Coming soon...'birdie num nums'.

Poor thing...she lost her job!

Carelton (Carly) S. Fiorina is no longer chairman and CEO of HP. She was ousted (allowed to resign) the other day.

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She will walk away with a severance package purported to be in the neighborhood of $45 million.

That is what is called a "Golden Parachute"!

Monday, February 14, 2005

Lost in Albert Brooks

My daughter Jenifer reminds me from time to time of her father’s influence early on in her pop culture life, by calling me to rave about one of my favorite movies. It is typically a film from the early to mid eighties that I liked, taped, and watched over and over. She usually does this after rediscovering it on HBO or Cinemax or some other cable movie venue.

“Dad”, she calls on the phone, “I just saw this move you used to like...it’s really funny!”

She must have been sitting next to me on the couch, probably unaware of the movie, just sitting with her Dad before bedtime. The images burned into her subconscious, though not totally understood at the time.

The most recent of these semi-total recalls from her childhood is Lost in America from 1985.brooks2

It starred Albert Brooks and Julie Haggerty. She also starred in the 1980 spoof classic Airplane as the ditsy stewardess (Elaine Dickinson) opposite Robert Hays (Ted Striker). Airplane began a series of Jim Abrahams and David Zucker put-ons like Hot Shots, Top Secret, Naked Gun, and Police Squad.

Lost in America was written and directed by Albert Brooks. It is the quintessential comedy homage to Easy Rider. Brooks and Haggerty play successful yuppies living in L.A. He decides to quit his disappointing job (an advertising executive who gets passed over for a big promotion) and convince his wife to quit her job and liquidate all their assets to travel around the country in a newly-purchased Winnebago...thus somewhat emulating his favorite movie of all time: Easy Rider.

“We need to get out and see America...we need to touch Indians!”, Brooks rants in his speech convincing his wife to buy into this idea. Without giving too much away, they really don’t get too far before things start falling apart. There is a hilarious scene at their first stop, Las Vegas, where Brooks tries to convince a casino manager (Gary Marshall) to return all the money his wife lost at the roulette table. Since Brooks’ character is an ad executive, he comes up with all sorts of outrageous angles for an ad campaign extolling the virtues of the Desert Inn “because they return your money when you lose...”

Albert Brooks is perfect as the beleaguered David Howard, who has not only quit his job, but his wife has lost all their “nest egg”. His lecture to her about the nest egg is classic Brooks. She is not ”allowed” to ever use those two words again, she must use only a description or synonyms of a nest and of an egg.

brooks1Albert Brooks was also the voice of Marlin in Finding Nemo (2003). Other movie credits include The In Laws (2003, Jerry Peyser), The Muse (1999, Steven Phillips), Broadcast News (1987, Aaron Altman),Terms of Endearment (1983, Rudyard Greenway), Taxi Driver (1976, Tom), and the now-filming Untitled Albert Brooks Project.

If you are pining over the Netflix or Blockbuster lists and you have seen all the ‘big ones’, give Lost in America a try. It is irreverant humor for anyone even slightly disenchanted with his or her career, the B.S. of a corporate job, or life in general.

Thanks again Jen. It is always nice to see evidence of my influence on you!

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Old Friends - Gary & Bob

If you’re one of the lucky ones...you have old friends.

If you’re one of the extremely lucky ones...you have old friends who you are still in contact with after 40 years!

My oldest old friends are Bob Kauffman & Gary Groch. I have known Gary since the 6th grade. Bob I met when I was 15. None of us live near each other now, we haven’t been in close proximity since we were in college. But for some reason, that really hasn’t mattered. We still talk to one another.

Actually we email each other, but that’s the way it is these days.

This is a 'Gary' story. Bob, "You're next!"

Gary and I became friends when we were 11 years old, at Welby Way Elementary School in Canoga Park, California.

Our friendship began a little on the rocky side (he may kill me for talking about this). I was the brunch-time milk and cookie cart person at our school. I volunteered to work in the school cafeteria (premonition of the restaurant management career), specifically, the milk and cookie cart. I would get out of class a few minutes early to go to the cafeteria and bring out that cart to sell milk and cookies to the the rest of the school during brunch time. At lunch I got to wash dishes (I didn’t know that part until after volunteering). To make a long story not quite as long - one day Gary and a couple of his “homies” decided to try to shake me down for free milk and cookies, “Hey Hansen, why don’t you give it to us for free, or we’ll beat you up after school?” Of course, I tried to reason with them to no avail. They commenced a minor harrassment campaign for a few days (pushing me as they walked by, making fun of my apron and hat). Until one day I gave in, took my own money, and bought Gary a cookie and a milk. “There”, I said with my voice quivering ever so slightly, “will you leave me alone now?” He just stood there and stared at the cookie and milk in his hands for what seemed like 5 minutes. And then he raised his head, looked me in the eyes and said, “Gee...thanks Hansen...wanna be best friends?” The remainder of the day, Gary and I walked around school with our arms on each other’s shoulders, like best friends in the 6th grade did back then.

We hung out alot after that, on and off through high school. We would ride our 10 speed bikes everywhere. We built forts and played Army in the creek, sat around in his room and talked about girls, built tents in the backyard and slept over, and read comic books and movie monster magazines. We hung out with guys named Mont Teague, John Borguese, Ira Weidman, Dave Uslaner...and Bob Kauffman.

Unfortunately, we ended up going to different junior highs, but we still saw each other from time to time. High school brought us back together on a daily basis for few more years...cars, dating, movies, cruising. Then graduation came, and we went our separate ways. Gary went to a local valley college for a while, eventually getting his PhD. I went to a different college then into the Navy for four years. We lost touch.

In 1987, Gary, Bob, and I hooked up for our 20th high school reunion in L.A. (the picture below). Since then, we have managed to stay in touch...we even got together again for our 35th high school reunion in 2002 (that picture will remain in the vault for now!).

We are planning to get together again this June for my daughter Jenifer’s wedding.

old friends
From the left - Gary, Bob, and me.

The friend of mine who has retained constant contact with me over the years - Bob - will be the subject of my next posts. He and I are still best friends after more than 40 years. I know both Gary and Bob glance at my blog from time to time...so I don't plan on embellishing too much on the stories I tell! Maybe just a little.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

The Wanderlust calls.

Time to hit the road for a while...

RoadKing10

You may notice by the reflection in the fender that the Harley is in the garage. It is also sunny today...time to go and put some blue sky over it.

Saturday morning...almond trees...sunrise.

Blue morning...

Blue morning

Sunny day!

Sunrise almond trees

Friday, February 11, 2005

Anyone up for a real margarita...?

Limes are lucious 1

Fresh squeezed lime juice.

Any real agave tequila, no need to measure, just count to 3 for two short ones.

A splash of Gran marnier, (Triplesec will do on a budget).

Lots of ice in a shaker.

(Don't even think about plugging in that blender...I said a real margarita.)

Strain into a chilled 'gentlemen's hi-ball glass'.

Salt on your wrist. Lick!

Bombs away!

Lime wedge.

Repeat.

Mementos...of that other war...

airmedal1

I was going through some boxes in my garage the other day and came across some things I haven’t seen for a while. They were tucked away inside a sock, inside a shoe box, inside a packing box, up in the attic. I knew they were there. I put them there years ago. Every now and then when we cleaned the garage or moved, these items would surface.

I’ve always wanted to do something meaningful with them. Maybe mount them behind a glass frame and hang them in my office, just never got around to it. So now I will.

But as I was looking at them, some thoughts came to mind. Thoughts that have pretty much been stored in the memory warehouse. Not necessarily thoughts about my experience over there. I spent over four years in a patrol squadron with the Navy which included two six-month deployments to SE Asia. Not many people are interested anymore in those kinds of stories. They just happened. It was a long time ago. You move on.

These thoughts concerned how I felt when I got back. The feelings that came from how I reacted to returning home, and how other people reacted to me.

For the most part, most everyone close to me acted like I expected they would. My family and close friends would listen to my stories and accounts of where I went and what I did. They would politely nod or shake their heads, and ask a question or two. They would tell me occassionally how what I did was noble and patriotic and how they respected me. I was the only person in my close peer group and family who chose to go. Everyone else either stayed in school or was somehow excluded from service. Again, it was something I chose to do in light of the situation. That situation being the presence of an aggressive military draft in 1968, and me losing my student deferment status. Those two factors presented me with a choice or two. I chose to sign up rather than be signed up. End of that episode for now.

Shortly after I got home, I remember going out with friends to a party. It was one of those college crowd gatherings in an apartment complex where a lot of students lived. It was mainly a beer-fest. There were guys and gals running in and out. Some were attached at the hip, others were solo. I struck up a conversation with a young lady that I recognized from high school, younger than me. We chit chatted a little. I was pretty nervous. Not only had I just returned from overseas, I was also recently divorced. I had gotten married in the middle of my enlistment and divorced soon after returning. Another topic from the memory warehouse concerning how people reacted to me and how I reacted to them.

While talking to this young lady, a guy came up (who I recognized from high school) and joined the conversation. After a few seconds, the girl told him that I had just gotten back from the service, from Viet Nam. At that point, the guy made some sort of anti-war remark, grabbed the girl, and said, “What are you talking to him for?” And left the party...with the girl.

There were other similar exchanges in my life after that, insigificant comments from insignifcant individuals. I would always tell them that I was not for the war either, I was just over there doing my duty. In 1973, I was still perceived as some sort of war monger, conservative, right wing, “hawk”. When in fact, I was raised by a Democrat father and was totally against the war and so on.

The reason I mention this now is, there was a news story recently in Sacramento, 70 miles north of where I live. I guy decided to protest the war by hanging up an effige of an American soldier on the front of his house. The signs read something like, “They are being killed in effige over there...the war is wrong...get out...etc”. Someone came along a tore the figure down, anonymously. A sign was posted concerning our soldiers and what they are doing over there. The last line on the sign read, “One more thing...if you can read this in English...than thank our troops and all the other troops who have made this possible”.

I believe you should be able to say what you want here. I believe you should be able to carry any kind of banner you want here, including hanging one on your house. It is America after all.

But I also believe that amidst all this exercising of constitutional rights, let’s not forget who is paying the ultimate tab. And the tab I am talking about is not money and military spending. Let us not forget about how this so-called fashionable Liberalism looks to our guys and gals over there...where ever or when ever that may be.

Let’s not forget...it wasn’t their idea. How will you make them feel when they get back...if they come back?


Girls...what would you like to get on V-Day?

Well, here goes. My previous post was for the guys, what they would like for Valentines Day. So here is one for the gals. What would you like to receive for V-Day?
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Valentines Day is this Monday (February 14). Alluded to by Shakespeare that on this day birds begin to mate, hence the custom of sending love tokens in that time? Some history indicates it dates back as early as the fourth century B.C., the Romans engaged in an annual young man's rite to passage to the god Lupercus. It seems back then the names of teenage women were placed in a box and drawn at random by adolescent men. The man was assigned that woman companion for the duration of the year, after which another lottery was staged. The church fathers ended this "cruel" practice (after 800 years) and decided that Valentine, a bishop who had been martyred 200 years earlier, was worthy of marking this date in time.
The story goes on and on and on about the bishop in prison and being asked to heal the jailer's blind daughter. The bishop miraculously restored the sight of the daughter, and just before his execution wrote a note to her that read, "From Your Valentine". Voila! The whole story can be found at this link as well as some other helpful V-Day suggestions, knock yourself out.

The tradition is still carried on today, albeit without the execution and the miracles. Although it would be a miracle for some husbands remembering this day, execution is no longer a viable choice for this negligence.

So ladies...what do you like to receive on Valentines Day? What do you like to have done for you? How do you like to be treated? What spins your prop, rocks your boat, flies your kite? What makes you feel appreciated? What would make you say to your sweetie, "You know, that was nicest Valentines Day I ever had"? I would urge you to be practical, but fantasize if you feel the need! advice002

And guys, if you are reading this (your post is previous to this one), whatever you do - don't forget that Monday, February 14th is Valentines Day. The Bishop St. Valentines execution and martydom is what got us to this point, don't disappoint...you will not be allowed to forget!

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Guys...what do you like to get on V-Day?

Valentines Day is just around the corner, this coming Monday last I checked. It really isn't my favorite "holiday" (it really isn't a holiday for that matter). For most guys, despite what they tell you ladies, it isn't a favorite for them either. Despite years and years of training, we still can't seem to get this one right 100% of the time! At the very least, it is a time for couples to possibly renew their romance, their passion for one another. Whether it be with flowers or candy (liquor is quicker I hear) or jewelry or a new Mercedes, it usually envolves some sort of gift.
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Now, that gift can be many things other than the above mentioned sugar, booze, or bling. From my experience and point of view, any nice, thoughtful, surprize gift for my lady (however insignificant) is greatly appreciated. Maybe a nice evening out for dinner where we can dress up a little.

So here is my question...for the guys only. Tomorrow I will post a picture of some hunky guy and pose the same question for the girls. What do you like to receive for Valentines Day?

The reason for the photo of Aria should be obvious. I, for one, would like to come home and find my wife in some sort of attire similar to hers in the picture. That would be my answer to the question. That would be a nice "gift" for V-Day.

God help us men who forget that day. God help us guys who don't do something to mark its arrival.

What do you want for Valentines Day?

PS No need to thank me for reminding you what Monday is!

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Paul Edward Valentine Giamatti

giamatti

This is the actor that people are saying over and over again, "Hey...that's that guy!"

Paul Giamatti has been in 35 movies, 5 more on the way this year and next. His most recent role as Miles Raymond in 'Sideways' has earned him further acclaim as one of the best character actors in the movies today. Some of the more notable flicks include 'Paycheck' (Shorty), 'American Splendor' (Harvey Pikar), 'Confidence' (Gordo), 'Big Fat Liar' (Marty Wolf), 'Planet of the Apes' (Limbo), 'Saving Private Ryan' (Sgt Hill), and 'Private Parts' (Kenny "Pig Vomit" Rushton).

What most don't know about Paul Giamatti is that he is a graduate of the Yale University School of Drama (a masters in fine Arts). His father was A. Bartlett Giamatti. You sports nuts may recall that his father was president of the National League in 1986. He was then became Commissioner of Baseball in April of 1989 until his death in September 1989, the same period of time that Pete Rose fell from grace.

Giamatti was born June 6, 1967, in New York, the youngest of 3 children. His mother, Elizabeth, was an actress before marrying Bart Giamatti. His acting roots are in the theatre, from his days at Yale to regional productions in Seattle, San Diego, and Williamstown, Massachusetts. He has also done broadway productions.

His ambition is to star in a crime caper with Robert Duvall and John Hurt. With his recent notariety from 'Sideways', I'm sure this will come to fruition.

Try to see 'Sideways', it is a great movie. My first notice of him was in Howard Stern's 'Private Parts' as Pig Vomit, Howard's program director. Giamatti's monologue over the credits about how much he hates Stern is classic.

Private Parts

The Pill

...for one of those days...
The Pill

(Thanks again to my friend Bob for passing this along.)

To God...from the dog.

Sammy

(My friend Bob from Albuquerque sent me this.)

Dear God: Why do humans smell flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on the couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember - to be a good dog.
1. I will not eat the cat's food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty.
4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'...neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's drivers' license and registration.
9. I will not play tug-o-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying "hello".
11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
13. I will not throw up in the car.
14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.
16. The cat is not a 'sqeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

And, finally, my last question...

Dear God: When I get to heaven, may I have my testicles back?


Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Reality check at 55...plus 2 weeks!

I jog...therefore...

jogcompcrop

I know I am out of shape...

jog9

Blogging...mindless prattle or journalism for the can?

I spent quite a few years in radio broadcasting from the 70s through the early 90s.

I was a morning air “personality” as well as a program director, music director, babysitter, account rep, and a scapegoat. All of those positions were required of one person in small town radio. My morning shows ranged from Classic Rock time and temperature gigs to semi-zoo, talk fests aimed at the semi-intellectual crowd. I did voice and characters bits, sarcastic news commentary, live remotes, and spun an occassional song to two.

The final glide path came when, amidst budget cutting meetings, I refused to become the serious newsman. The owner/general manager genius decided that we couldn’t afford a news person any longer (part of a 3 person morning team) and decreed that I would have to spin around in my chair, put on a reporter’s hat, and read real news in between the Madame Julia and Dr J. Michael Klembottom comedy bits. Steve Allen used to to do bits about that hat thing. Anyway, the rest is history and I never got back into the abuse and hopelessness associated with small-town radio. Wait...those two words describe the restaurant management business! Nevermind.

Early on in my radio career, I was working at a low wattage, AM station in San Luis Obispo...we’ll call it KATY (because those were the call letters!). One of the clowns I worked for, Rockin’ Ron Kay (true name), used to get pissed at me for talking too much between songs. The rules in those days: Utter nothing but the 6 radio basics: Time, Temperature, Artist, Song Title, Your name, and Call Letters. The other addage was, “Never say in a paragraph what you can say in a sentence”.

He dragged me in his office one day...actually it was a coat closet where he managed to stuff a small desk with a hand printed sign that said Program Director on it...and said in his best, gravelly radio voice, “You want this fucking job?” “Ah”, I responded with my face getting redder by the second, “...yeh!” “Then you better stick to the basics...”, he reiterated what they were.

“I thought I was doing the basics”, I asked. “Are the words I am or The time is or That was
on that fucking list?’, he blared. “Oh, I understand now”, I said holding back sarcasm.

Rockin’ Ron pulled out another 16 ounce Colt 45 from under his desk (he would drink at least a 6 pack during every air shift), and headed for the studio to do his “award winning” show. Shortly thereafter, I moved on to another small town station and got bitched at for not saying anything more than the basics on my show.

My point is...radio and writing are both journalistic endeavors, related on some esoteric level. But as I work more and more on my writing of short stories and an eventual novel, I find it necessary to remove some of those radio rules from my style. My short stories end up being Micro-short stories. My novel, well...a short story. I guess I need to visit a priest of some sort and have some past journalism demons exorciszed.

One final note. An old colleague in radio (the late Don Roberts, a sportscaster in Pismo Beach) once described my morning show as “mindless prattle”. Just let me say this...there is not much in the world of broadcast or written sports that consitutes anything more than “mindless prattle”. And...in the world of blogging...geeze...even if you do take your laptop into the can, are you able to actually finish reading some the mindless prattle found here? Probably...it takes me a lot longer than 30 seconds!

It’s not Dosteyevsky...but I’m no Rockin’ Ron Kay either!

Are you self-confident...or arrogant?

Do you consider yourself arrogant or self-confident? Do you know the difference?


There is a big difference you know. Dr Stephen R. Covey (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) writes that arrogance is the lack of self-awareness; blindness; an illusion; a false form of self-confidence; and a false sense that we’re somehow above the laws of life.

The dictionary defines arrogance as having or showing feelings of unwarranted importance out of overbearing pride. Wow! What a powerful slap in the face to a so-called arrogant person - overbearing pride. If you call an arrogant person arrogant to his or her face, their reaction would most likely be, “Yeah...what’s your point?”

On the other hand, the dictionary defines self-confidence as self-freedom from doubt; belief in yourself and your abilities; a feeling of trust in ones self. Covey writes that real confidence is anchored in a quiet assurance that that if we act based on principles, we will produce quality-of-life results. Again...wow! He goes on to say that confidence flows from our own integrity to good principles.

So, if you really want to put an arrogant person in their place...certainly, don’t call them arrogant. This says two things. One, that you are indeed arrogant. And two, that you have recognized a “quality” about that person that they are most likely proud of!

Remember, doing nothing is doing something.

Yes, they do need to be put in their places at some point. We can only hope that this will come to these individuals in a self-awareness mode. There is that term self-awareness again. Finding the turnoff that takes you from the road of arrogance onto the path to self-confidence is not always easy to recognize. The road signs are there, arrogant people chose not to read them.

When I was in my early teens, my parents told me to be careful about being so self-confident. Someone is going to come along and knock you down. But it was not until more recently that I realized the word they meant to say was arrogant.

There is a fine line. The best thing to do is to step up to that line and put your toes on it. That way, you will truly see both sides...and know the difference.

Monday, February 07, 2005

You gotta see this one...Sideways

I don't usually do movie reviews (too controversial), especially when my daughter is so much better at it and we rarely agree. But she recommended this one, and we do agree! The other couple of movies we agreed on were Big Fish and American Beauty - mostly because she saw so much of her dad in them I think.
Sideways

Loretta and I saw Sideways today. It was a toss up between that and The Boogeyman, so you can see where my interests gravitate when I plop down $12 for a matinee. I thought it would be a good idea to see Sideways for several reasons. One, it was filmed in and around where we used to live (Solvang, Buellton, Los Olivos). Two, it starred Paul Giamatti - I'm a huge fan (even with his Planet of the Apes character). American Splendor was a strange but cool flick. And three, I like Pinot Noir. What else could I ask for?

After watching a trailer of it on line this morning, I was also convinced that it would be a movie about a character that I could relate to on a very personal basis. A person with a lot of inner, personal angst and doubt (right up my alley) - and a film about an epiphany of sorts. Self realization if you will. The main characters are a writer (school teacher by day) and an actor (radio voice over person by day).

Well, it didn't disappoint in any of those areas. It was a funny yet poignant film. I would like reiterate "funny", we laughed until we cried at times. To see Paul Giamatti's character, Miles (a wine snob) scream at this buddy, "I won't drink fucking Merlot! I won't do it!", is a riot.

There are no explosions or car chases, though there is a very funny sequence where the two main characters try to mess up their car to make it look like it was in an accident. There are no long, drawn out karate scenes, though there is a sequence where one of the guys gets his ass kicked by a chick (a lot of you will enjoy that). There is a brief sex scene, but it is part of section of the film where you are laughing your ass off already.

We want to see it again. We will buy it when it comes to DVD. You gotta see this one!

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Blast From the Past - Part 6

hayleycomp

I stumbled onto a segment of "Amazing Stories" on the SciFi channel early this morning...and guess who was on it? It was an episode from 1986 called "The Grieggle".

Earlier on, this actress starred in Pollyanna, In Search of the Castaways, and the Parent Trap.
She still looks incredibly great today, and is still acting in theatre productions. She is also the daughter of a very distinguished British actor. C'mon you old farts out there (like me), didn't we all have a crush on her? I have never forgotten who she is, have you?

hayley1

Saturday, February 05, 2005

Principles & Values...what do you stand for?

I wanted to write something today that would make you think a little. Not that you don’t exercise that process on a daily basis, but something to think about that would motivate you to move...just an inch or two.

I have involved myself with many so-called self-improvement programs over the years. Some of which were employer-sponsored, others were personal projects to help me improve as a person. I have done most of the Tony Robbins things, as well as Dale-Carnegie, Franklin-Covey, Dr Dean Ornish, and even Dr. Phil! Most have been in the form of reading a book, some in actual live seminars.

The basis and the beginnings of every one of these focuses on two things: Principles and Values. It may be stated differently in each one, but they all must start with one stating one’s Principles and Values. Whether it be goal setting workshops, diversity training, or 12 - step programs...you must lay the foundation.

From what I have learned so far, including some recent research on the internet, here is what Principles and Values are defined as.

Principles - rules or standards of “good” behavior, a basis for conduct.

Values - beliefs of a person in which they have an emotional investment, what is important to you personally.


For my money, this basically means that you need to apply your principles to get what is valuable to you. There really isn’t a choice here, you naturally apply your principles on a daily basis whether to know it or not. You have principles in which you govern your life even though you haven’t stated them. So, to start any self-improvement or self-awareness process...you must know What You Stand For and Who You Are...Principles and Values.

Some common principles include integrity, tolerance, humility, humanity, impartiality, neutrality, independence, honesty, responsibility, leadership, and accountability.

Examples of values are family, love, comfort, safety & security, respect, admiration, success, happiness, health, fitness, well-being, and courage.

Of course, sometimes the line between a principle and a value may be a little gray. But if you stick to the basic definitions, the diffference becomes pretty clear.

Also keep in mind that when stating your values, each individual will have a different meaning or definition for, let’s say, wealth or success. The dissection of stated values will ultimately determine what you personally need to do on a daily basis to reach your goals. And that, defining and reaching your goals, is what life is all about...right?

Dr. Steven R. Covey has an interesting and popular take on Principle and Values in his writings including The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. There is a piece called ,Center on Prinicples at this link.

Think about it. Who are you? What do you stand for? I’ll share more tomorrow. You may post your Principles and Values here as a comment, or just write them down. I would love to post some of the results (anonymously of course).

Friday, February 04, 2005

Thanks Jen!

Jen's Collage

Just note of thanks to my daughter Jenifer for bailing me out of my usual, incessant HTML questions. That is...assuming that this post looks like I had hoped!

Either way...you're the best. Sorry for bugging you at work.

Wait until you see the DVD collage.

Writing Friday

Writing Friday - Heartbreak


Be that as it may, I am not one to let myself progress beyond that point of no return. I am not one to allow myself the vulnerability of deep-felt hurt. I will not swim in a sea of emotional pain.

I am not entirely convinced that I have truly felt the kind of love that supposedly lasts forever. The kind of love that transcends time and distance. The kind of love that allows you to become heartbroken. I need to be in the here and now. To feel something akin to that love, I require a physical presence.

But quite possibly, am I confusing lust with love? Are they outwardly the same emotions, the former simply the beginning of the latter? Is love a natural progression of lust?

Love is practically defined as a strong positive emotiion of regard, a deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction.

Lust is described as a strong sexual desire.

On the other hand, heartbreak is an intense sorrow caused by loss of a loved one.

So even though I may never have been truly in love, I have felt heartbreak. I have reluctantly stepped up to that point of no return and didn’t step past it. Yet, I have felt the pain of heartbreak - many times.

Agony, anguish, bitterness, desolation, despair, distress, grief, heavy heart, pain, regret, remorse, sorrow, suffering, torment, and woe...all dictionary synonyms for heartbreak.

I certainly have felt lust, but was it love? I have certainly had my heart broken, so was I in love? Maybe so, maybe not so.

From my point of view, love can be fleeting. You can fall out of love with something or someone. It may take a long time to get over it.

But heartbreak lasts forever.

Harleys at Pismo Run


Harleys at Pismo Run
Originally uploaded by Skip Hansen.


A line of Harleys at the Pismo Run a few years ago.

I believe it is coming up in April. I am pretty sure it is in April because every time we have gone...it has rained on us!

For those of us in the so-called "Sunshine States" (a misnomer if you live in the San Joaquin Valley), we are able to ride all year around. I hesitate whining about the weather and riding. At least we can ride a majority of the winter. In snow states, I don't think any of us are crazy enough to take out the bike when there is snow on the ground. And we all have been described as a bit crazy just for getting on those things on nice days!

Soon, we will be whining about the heat. But springtime is the best time. And spring is just around the corner.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

So long Uncle Nick...


NickEdna
Originally uploaded by Skip Hansen.


My Uncle Nick died this morning at 5:15. I just got the email from his only child, my cousin Bob.

Uncle Nick had been around a long time, I hope he would forgive me for not knowing exactly how long. Over ninety for sure.

The picture is of my uncle and his wife, my Aunt Edna.

They spent the early part of their lives in South Dakota...Sioux Falls specifically...my birthplace. My mom (Ednas' sister), my dad, Nick's son Bob (and eventually most everyone else in our family) moved out to California in the early 50's. We settled in the San Fernando Valley, Uncle Nick and Aunt Edna ended up in National City, near San Diego. That is where Nick plied his trade for many years, carpentry, and retired in the 60's.

My family would make the 160 mile, 3 hour drive to San Diego a couple of times a year to visit my aunt and uncle. It was also a time to visit the San Diego Zoo (and later, Sea World), Balboa Park, and Mission Bay. But it was much more than the zoo or Sea World for me. My Uncle Nick and Aunt Edna were the typical aunts and uncles. We would stay at their home...Aunt Edna would cook something I liked, and my sisters and I got to play in their big backyard that had peach trees, lizards, frogs, and a dead gopher or two that Nick had trapped.

They seemed to always be there for most of our Chrismas'...we have a ton of 8mm film shot during our family gatherings. They are always there!

You never really want to be hugged by your aunt...but somehow, I kind of looked forward to it from Aunt Edna. Even though I would squirm and grimmace a bit, it always made me feel special. While she was hugging me, I would look over at Uncle Nick...he would raise his eye big bushy eyebrows, smile, and just...whistle. He would always whistle. Nick whistled at his parakeet, Pete, all the time, 'Hey Petey boy...hey Petey boy"...and Pete would respond with a similar whistle.

Uncle Nick and Aunt Edna loved to take the senior buses to Vegas. The 24 hour-turn-around trips. They would go to Vegas and inevitably come back ahead! It was amazing. Keno was where they won the most money. Nick would say in his fading Dutch immigrant accent, "Yah...won 12 hundred dollars at Keno..." My parents would bristle a bit (they never won much) and say, "Oh really?"

So, Uncle Nick? I am quite sure you are not into the internet "up there", but for what its worth...we'll miss you! There must be a great casino up there...and they must have Keno...so, I know you are winning!

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Four more years of winter?


Gobblers Knob, Phil
Originally uploaded by Skip Hansen.



Evidently Puxatauney Phil came out of his burrow on Gobblers Knob today, saw his shadow, and there will be six more weeks of winter. Actually, he was dragged screaming out of his hole by a bunch of old, deluded city elders hanging on to a tired tradition. I have a feeling its just an excuse to get together on this day with their flasks tucked inside their vests and get on television....then all head over to the local IHOP for the Rooty Tooty Fresh and Frooty special.

Other cities have their own mascot and indicators concerning the coming of spring...

Seattle...Seattle Sid, a salmon, was snagged by an off-season poacher. His Vanilla, fat-free, sugar-free latte was not waiting for him so there will be six more weeks of winter...

San Francisco...Frisco Freddie, a dungeous crab, was found dead in North Beach with a plastic six-pack holder wrapped around his claws, so...six more weeks of winter...

Los Angeles...Encino Cindy, a toy poodle, woke up to find her designer Iams bowl was frozen over...six more weeks of winter...

Las Vegas...Keno Ken, a tortoise, found out about the spread on the Super Bowl, and crawled back into his hole...six more weeks of winter...

Portland...Liberal Lizzie, a spotted owl, saw the shadow of a hunter who mistakenly blasted her thinking she was a turkey...six more weeks of winter...

Dallas...Harvey, a retired Holstein bull, saw the shadow of the golden arches, and went back into the barn pretending to be a cow...six more weeks of winter...

Hollywood...Miss Exotica, a transgender Jack Russel Terrier, saw the shadow of her thing, went back inside and called her plastic surgeon...six more weeks of winter

Washington DC...Government Gil, a Do-Do Bird, layed an egg with the words "Four more years!" etched in the shell...four more years of winter...

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Me wondering why...and smirking.


Me wondering why
Originally uploaded by Skip Hansen.


That is me smirking. You know, the Bill-Murray-patented trademark look. The sarcastic cousin of a full-fledged smile.

There are many different versions of the "smirk". There is the barely-noticeable smirk where you keep your eyes down, shake your head ever slow slightly, and simply raise the corner of your mouth a bit, revealing just the thought of a smile. I believe this is the most powerful of the smirks, simply because it evokes such emotion in someone you are conversing with, "Hey Mister, are you laughing at me? Wipe that smirk off your face!"

Then there is the full-eye-contact-full-smile-smirk (Bill Murray has a patent on this one). One must rock one's head back and forth a little while applying this one. A smirk such as this states (without words) to the other person, "What a dumb mother f***er! You are so stupid and you don't even know it." My photo hear is really just on the verge of that look. By the way, I am looking at myself in the camera lens there.

Of course you can combine several smirks in succession. Such as the "slight smile blink the eyes several times fast" before saying, "What?" smirk. This can be followed up immediately with the"eye roll upward, close the eyes, and shake your head" smirk. It works very well for many situtations, especially spousal interaction.

Then there is the full-blown "mouth slightly open, tongue between the teeth faint smile small head shake and full audible exhale" smirk that says, "What was I thinking?" This is a very powerful conversational tool. It is also very therapeutic during times of stress (the exhale taken from some form of yoga I believe).

Smirking...most of us do it, some better and more often than others. We sometimes smirk without even knowing we are smirking. Try the three llisted above. If you don't smile each time you try one, you may have other problems. They ought to have a smirking course in college. Not only do they teach you how to smirk, they study the history of the smirk.

Bill Clinton and George W. have good smirks, a large of array available to them. Jack Nicholson is an expert smirker...he has made millions of dollars by perfecting the smirk. I am classic smirker (divorced two times, married now to wonderful lady who is immune to smirking).

A couple rules about smirking...try not to smirk too much to your boss (or your spouse)...never smirk to a judge...and never smirk to your pets, they really don't give a shit one way or the other!

Today, I have to do something I am not looking forward to (the details are unimportant). Right now I have a smirk on my face about this upcoming event.

I will end this blog with the "slight smile raised eyebrows" smirk that says, "Should I delete this whole thing and post another photo of my greyhound?" Naw...post it!